Raging against the dawn. Why now? Why me? I’m overwhelmed and feeling angry just about everything.
I can’t understand why I’m so angry with life?
It’s six years later after the death of my husband I am angry beyond any bounds every day and often at night.
I am twisted with rage against the world. Can’t understand why this is happening now after all this time.
My therapist advised me to let my feelings out. Free them and they would set me free. I answered by saying I was not an angry person. I accepted the trials that life put in front of me. I was a world class avoider of all things menacing and confrontational.
Therefore, I could rationalise my feelings by telling myself that I did the best I could in the circumstances. My husband had died and I had other agendas to deal with. After all, I had two children to guide and support and a mortgage to pay and a job to hold down.
Anger didn’t really feature.
TRYING TO COPE.
At the moment I am reaping the consequences of not dealing with the rage that is inside me.
I get angry when I can’t open the back door because the key sticks.
Annoyed because I break a nail.
Peed off because someone in a shop skips the queue.
Maybe these feelings needed to be set free and it just took a long time for them to appear. I’ve been surprised by my reactions and I suppose I fear that I won’t be able to control the way I am feeling. Setting myself free from guilt is probably a healthy thing to do. It may make the struggle easier. It may ease the pain a bit.
LISTENING TO MY INNER VOICE.
I feel a Robert Frost moment coming on…
The road less traveled…