Home Widowhood Blog I’m Afraid Of The Light. I Love The Autumn Season

I’m Afraid Of The Light. I Love The Autumn Season


If you did a straw poll and asked folk what is their favourite season I’d hazard a guess that a lot of the answers would be Summer and Spring. After all they are the two seasons of growth and renewal. What’s not to like about Summer? The days grow long. The sun shines and it’s holiday time. Spring is the beginning of the end of Winter. Daffodils poke through the cold, wet ground and Mother Earth awakens from her Winter sleep. So, what about poor old Autumn/Winter?

 What’s Autumn all about?

I like being different. I am not a great fan of Spring or Summer. There’s too much light around. I love the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness that poet John Keats wrote about and and the Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. I am a bit vampire-like. I love the dark evenings and the shorter days. You may think that this is not a very healthy way to be thinking or living but it suits me and my lifestyle. I stock up with bags of tea lights and candles. The blinds are drawn and the fire is lit and I will nest a bit each day between now and when the daffodils push their beautiful yellow bonnets overground. I love the way candles trow shadows around my living room. It’s cosy and comforting. The dog snores loudly on her chair and the cat curls up on my lap and purrs.

What Happens Next?

Now I can begin to start putting some of the pieces of me back together. Autumn is like a good friend. It turns up but doesn’t make a big nuisance of itself.  I can give myself permission to read my books, write my blog and write some poetry. I am on stress sick leave from work and everyday I fight to get back to feeling normal. Everything can slow down to a reasonable pace and that includes my brain. I hibernate in the evenings and try very hard to relax. It’s much easier to give myself permission to look after the inner and outer me. I can watch old movies. Clear out rubbish from the bedrooms and settle down for the evening and listen to the lovely silence which can only be found by living in the country. I follow the phases of the moon as my mood waxes and wanes from good to bad and back to sad or reasonable again.

How to turn things into a positive.

I can say that I can do a lot of healing during the Autumn season. I like the colours of the leaves on the trees. I like the wishy washy sunshine as it passes around my house and disappears in early evening into the horizon. My mind settles down a piece. My body is tired and I feel like sleeping more. And to be honest that’s ok. I was not put on the earth to save everyone alive and living. I am here to make a difference firstly to myself and then my children and family & friends. From my point of view I need to take the stress and anxiety levels down a piece. They never really disappear but they can dissipate a little and that allows me to focus on the coming Winter season.

More of that in another blog.

Time to light the candles



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